Cain and Abel: When Siblings Despise Each Other

There are no perfect families. Even the first biblical family had an extreme sibling rivalry (with some rather bad results). And while most of us don’t have to worry about such an extreme outcome, many parents do worry that their children will not play well in the estate sandbox as their parents age and pass away. The worries: One child helps mom and dad as they age, is given a lot of money prior to and after their passing, and the other child brings a lawsuit for absconding with the money that they feel is one half theirs. One child helps mom and dad as they age, is given the same amount of money as the child who did nothing,

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Dealing With the Unthinkable: Handling Affairs After the Death of an Adult Child

I was 4 years old when my father passed away. This obviously caused me a great deal of childhood trauma, and the associated financial and emotional cost to my family to “rehabilitate” me was substantial. Only as I have aged and entered this profession have I become aware that his death seriously affected many other people in the family, not least of which was my mother. But instead of choosing the more obvious individuals, let’s discuss the strain that affected his parents, my grandparents. Depending on the family’s financial dynamic, the loss of an adult child can be absolutely devastating: Some parents have placed an enormous amount of resources on raising that child, and may have sacrificed to the point

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SIBLING RIVALRIES: The Funeral: Who is in Charge?

The first sibling rivalry goes back to the “first” siblings, Cain and Able. It was not the last (though the outcome was a little more dramatic than the average sibling rivalry). Of the many rivalries that have taken place since, one that is too often overlooked is over the parent’s disposition of their remains upon their passing. I have seen situations where one sibling [we’ll call him “brother”] was the local child living with his mother, and the more distant child [“sister”] lived a few thousand miles away. Brother and sister had not liked each other for decades. When mom passed away, brother did not tell sister, and decided to hold a small funeral where mom’s funeral service was highly

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Smart Ideas for Making Your Agents Known (When Needed)

Too many attorneys fail to inform a person’s Power of Attorney, Health Care Agent, or Executor that he/she has been named as a person’s agent or, even worse, fail to tell their clients to inform these people of their responsibilities. These practitioners appear to have the attitude of “I’ve been paid, you have your legal documents, let’s both move onto the next thing in our lives.” While this does not rise to the level of legal malpractice, it certainly is inconsiderate and potentially dangerous, for the following reasons: These documents are not public record. If there is an emergency, how is a Health Care Agent going to be identified by the admitting health care facility? The documents may be hard

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2015 Medicaid Series: Beware of Transferring Too Much Too Early

My next several posts will be centered on Medicaid planning. This will cover topics affecting people who are planning for future transfers to their children, people with ailing parents, as well as those who have neither living parents nor natural beneficiaries. Let’s start from the top. People preparing precautionary Medicaid planning for themselves are typically (hopefully) planning several years in advance: They have reached their mid-late seventies and are starting to enjoy a less frenetic lifestyle, or may have long-term health concerns that are just starting to manifest. They have worked hard for their money, have a possible surplus of assets, and have no desire to use these asset to pay for what they perceive Medicaid will cover in the

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